Strictly Alright

Imagine Chris Hayes drunk. Imagine Chris Hayes drunk tweeting.

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:00:00 -0600

Imagine Chris Hayes drunk. Imagine Chris Hayes drunk tweeting.

I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING ABOUT THIS BLOG BECOMING AN...

Thu, 23 May 2013 12:06:13 -0600

I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING ABOUT THIS BLOG BECOMING AN ALL-DISCLOSURE BLOG.

"There will never be another Madonna, but Britain’s self-made pop star Charli XCX is coming close...."

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:10:00 -0600

“There will never be another Madonna, but Britain’s self-made pop star Charli XCX is coming close. Charli XCX isn’t giving blow jobs to glass bottles or anything like that, but she is proving to be one of the most intelligent pop composers and producers of this generation.”

- You know, sentences like the above are why we need Ke$ha.

Say what you will about Gwyneth, she’s never recommended a...

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:51:19 -0600

Say what you will about Gwyneth, she’s never recommended a flying car to her readers, something Janet Jackson can now say she’s done.

Last night, I found myself in someone’s apartment, but not just anyone’s apartment. This...

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:12:00 -0600

Last night, I found myself in someone’s apartment, but not just anyone’s apartment. This guy, in the hallway, he had a plaque of MLK’s speech hung almost directly across from a Confederate flag (and keep in mind that I’m in Canada, if you didn’t know already). He caught me staring with my mouth agape at the MLK plaque, which then he proceeded to explain the speech to me. Dude, we may be in Canada, but I do know what that speech is about. I was only reading the plaque because I was trying to see if there were any subtle changes made to the speech that would explain the mindfuck of a visual that I just saw (I wish I took a picture). As far as I could tell, there were no changes.

Anyway, the guy then explained to me that he was VERY against racism and that he had a short temper when it came to accusations of racism/racist incidents. As I felt when I saw a Confederate flag hung a foot away from a plaque commemorating a speech against racial discrimination, I felt both safe and an unease. I didn’t stick around too long after this guy’s anti-racism rant.

The only evidence that I have some kind of mind meld with Beyonce(’s social media person) is...

Tue, 21 May 2013 14:57:17 -0600

The only evidence that I have some kind of mind meld with Beyonce(’s social media person) is that I always seem to log onto Tumblr at the same time that she decides to do an image dump on here but that is enough evidence for me.

I’ll cop to never really liking How To Dress Well, but...

Tue, 21 May 2013 13:07:54 -0600

I’ll cop to never really liking How To Dress Well, but he’s great on this.

I’m enjoying the new Kanye tracks as much as the rest of you but a lot of the praise I’m...

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:57:54 -0600

I’m enjoying the new Kanye tracks as much as the rest of you but a lot of the praise I’m seeing for it, especially if it’s coming from corners of the internet that usually don’t focus on rap, boils down to “I only like rap when I can hear rock influences in its production”, which further boils down to “I like my rap whitewashed.”

Then, when you think of what Kanye and the other RAPPERS his material is being compared to (Death Grips, etc.) are rapping about, how overtly political he is about race relations, etc., and how this is not being talked about, in favor of more talk about how he sounds like Marilyn Manson, or Trent Reznor, or Suicide, or Big Black, or some other band of white dudes with guitars and/or synths, it just adds a further layer of whitewash.

It disgusts me, how this is history basically repeating itself. Maybe I should be happy that people are even connecting to something so confrontational, but I wish they connected to it in a less fraught manner.

Billboard told us to pull out our phones and Shazam...

Sun, 19 May 2013 19:54:04 -0600

Billboard told us to pull out our phones and Shazam Miguel’s performance. This is what showed up. Cool bonus track.

We are currently living in the best of all possible worlds.

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:03:33 -0600

We are currently living in the best of all possible worlds.

The new Kanye track is amazing.

Fri, 17 May 2013 21:15:00 -0600

The new Kanye track is amazing.

Luv u, Awl alt-text.

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:11:29 -0600

Luv u, Awl alt-text.

Audio

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:15:00 -0600

If you’ve watched enough network TV dramas in the past few years, you may have noticed that...

Wed, 15 May 2013 15:54:30 -0600

If you’ve watched enough network TV dramas in the past few years, you may have noticed that some of these shows love using The National to score key dramatic moments. North America’s TV music supervisors have deemed this band and their music as key representatives of vague, unspecific, white, middle-upper class melancholy (which is, in itself, a vague, unspecific emotion). With the band putting out a new album, the aforementioned music supervisors must be breathing a sigh of relief as there are a new batch of songs to use, a new batch of songs to do the heavy lifting for scenes where the actors and writers are too shitty to convey National-esque emotions. To celebrate the release of Trouble Will Find Me, I have come up with a scene summary from different nonexistent TV shows for each song off the new album. The lyrics may or may not have something to do with the scenes (probably not). Assume all characters are straight and white ~~unless otherwise noted~~.

I Should Live In Salt: A family sits around the table and quietly eats their dinner. There’s a bit of tension, as the son has been failing high school math and the parents have just found out that the daughter has been skipping out of her ballet classes. Is the end of America’s nuclear family?

Demons: Some guy is going on a bender because he just got dumped by his now ex-girlfriend. Spoiler alert! It’s the season finale so he dies of alcohol poisoning.

Don’t Swallow The Cap: A montage of a guy who’s down on his luck trying to get his life back together. He’s at the gym! He’s lifting weights! Metaphors! American dreams!

Fireproof: A woman is at the mall doing some shopping because women be shopping when she catches her scumball boyfriend with another woman, a woman who is her sworn frenemy. Before she can confront them right there and then, insert deus ex machina here.

Sea Of Love: A band named “The National” is putting out a new album soon and they need some publicity so they decide to play a single song off their previous album on repeat for six hours straight at some modern art museum. The TV show can’t afford to use “Sorrow” so they use “Sea Of Love” instead.

Heavenfaced: A close-up shot of a man crying about something unspecified for four minutes and 25 seconds.

This Is The Last Time: A couple go on a road trip and gets lost. Their previously perfect relationship unravels. Can they navigate their way back to the main road with the little bit of gas that’s left in the tank? Can they save what’s left of their relationship? Do you even care?

Graceless: A heir to a corporate empire decides to take up the mantle after much hesitation. We never know exactly what work he or the people around him does but suffice to say, it is Very Important. Corporate America is saved. Phew.

Slipped: Sex scene. This song is not very sexy, I know, but I’m running out of ideas here.

I Need My Girl: A coked-up dude cry-sturbates to thoughts of his ex. As if anything else could happen with a song title like that.

Humiliation: A Wall Street banker loses his job. Cut to a shot of a crying bald eagle for the duration of the rest of the song.

Pink Rabbits: A show’s anguished cries of death as it gets cancelled from low ratings.

Hard To Find: A guy with nothing better to do decides to match up imaginary TV scenes to songs off the new National album. Is it meta-commentary on the band’s music or network TV? Who knows? The show is cancelled before any answers are given.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:46:00 -0600

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 15:01:40 -0600

Put up your hand if you ever thought in a million years (or...

Sat, 11 May 2013 13:26:16 -0600

Put up your hand if you ever thought in a million years (or like, the length of time that has passed since you first heard Sigur Ros) that an Icelandic band whose vocalist sometimes literally sings gibberish would be the focal point of a contest. Mind you, it could be that there’s nothing else going on in Burnaby except their upcoming Sigur Ros show but you guys, Sigur Ros Weekend. It’s there regardless.

My brother just sent me this photo and it reminded me of how...

Fri, 10 May 2013 19:35:00 -0600

My brother just sent me this photo and it reminded me of how when I was young, I liked filling out forms, even if it was for something I didn’t particularly care for or want. What, no one else did this?

Two people I follow almost simultaneously discovered this...

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:29:40 -0600

Two people I follow almost simultaneously discovered this apparently new “confidential content” warning on their Google/YouTube and since I’m the guy who doesn’t want to show up last at the party, I obviously gamed it to show up with my results as well.

Don’t watch the comments.

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:09:54 -0600

Don’t watch the comments.